A Little Messed Up
by Loet Kyra Wonde
Summary: COMPLETE A short story about how Gohan is feeling a few years after his father's death. Includes lyrics from the edited, radio version of Fort Minor's Where'd You Go? Rating for mild language.


_Where'd you go?  
I miss you so  
Seems like it's been forever  
That you've been gone._

_Please come back home._

"That's the picture we took when I was pregnant with you. And that's your first birthday party." "_giggle giggle_ I've got **cake** in my hair, Momma!" "And frosting in your ears."

Chi Chi was sitting on the couch with her four-year-old son, Goten, while he flipped through the photo album. Taking care to make sure he didn't tear the pages or get finger prints on the pictures, she helped him turn to the last page, which was covered with more recent photos. "That's my birthday too, Momma! There's my red truck!"

"Hey, Mom!" A fifteen-year-old Gohan walked in from his room. "I finished my algebra for the day, and I'm done with my biology book." Chi Chi grinned broadly; she was very pleased he was finally able to focus on his studies. "Very good, Gohan. You can start on chemistry tomorrow."

"Gohan, look!" Goten shouted excitedly, holding up the album. "Look! It's the picture of Santa when he came to visit at Christmas!" Mother and son grinned and exchanged a look. Neither had the heart to tell Goten that "Santa" was actually the Ox King in a wig and red suit. He would probably figure it out on his own when he and Trunks compared pictures and realized that each supposed Santa looked remarkably like their respective grandfathers.

Goten was exchanging his last album for another when a few of the pictures fell out. "Hold on, Goten- you dropped some pictures." Chi Chi had gathered the photos and put them back in place when she noticed that Goten was staring intently at one in his hand. His little brows were furrowed, and his tiny mouth made a pout, a look of frustrated concentration on his face. Looking up at her and whispering as though concerned someone might hear, he said, "Momma. I look really _weird_ in this picture." Chi Chi looked at the offending picture and immediately saw the problem. "That's not you, dear." "Who is it?"

It was Chi Chi's late husband, Goku. Goten may have had his mother's nose and mouth, but with that spiked hair and those big, black eyes, he was still easily his father's mirror image.

Chi Chi was lost in her own memories when Goten said, "Gohan, who is it?" Gohan glanced over his mother's shoulder. "Oh," he said, suddenly frowning and sounding irritated. "It's Dad."

Chi Chi watched in mild surprise as Gohan stalked back to his room. Was that the same young man who, in his younger years, had looked up to his father with more adoration than anyone she had ever met? Who was willing to do anything, no matter how outrageous or dangerous, simply because his father would be doing it too?

Gohan reemerged from his room seconds later, dressed in ragged jeans and an old gray sweatshirt. "Gohan? Where are you going?" "I think I'll go for a walk, maybe practice for a while," he murmured. He still didn't look very happy. "Okay. Gohan?" "Yeah, Mom?" "Is everything okay?" Gohan smiled thinly. "Yes, ma'am." "Momma, can I go?" "Not today, hon. And Gohan?" Gohan turned were he was standing in the lawn. "Don't be out late. Remember, we have to get going early in the morning." Giving his mother the obligatory kiss and "yes, ma'am," Gohan flew off.

Chi Chi watched him fly away until he couldn't be seen anymore. There was no more denying it, she told herself. Something was wrong with Gohan. "Momma?" The little voice had been whining at her for a while now. "What is it?" "Momma, can I have a cookie?" "No, dear." Chi Chi walked back into the house with Goten behind her, begging like a gypsy child. "Can I have an apple?" "No, son." "Can I have crackers?" "No." "Can I have a popsicle?" "No." "Can I have a sandwich?" "_Goten_."

Gohan kicked and jabbed at the air. He almost wished there was something there for him to hit. '"Who is it?" he said,' Gohan thought to himself. 'He shouldn't even have to ask.'

Gohan's speed and strength increased while he thought. How long had it been since his father had left this time? Five years? What about the time before, and the time before that? 'Too long.'

And why? Because once again, he had to fly off and be the reluctant hero who paid the ultimate price to save the world. 'Why couldn't someone else save the world for a change?'

_Some days, I feel like sh--.  
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit._

But someone else had saved the world last time; Gohan had. 'Too little, too late,' he thought bitterly. The punches got harder and the jabs came quicker.

_I don't understand why you have to always be gone.  
I get along but the trips always feel so long._

But still, he could have been wished back; he _knew_ that! 'But he chose not come back. He _chose_. Even when…' The kicks and swings were a blur as he muttered. "Even when he wasn't even **dead**!"

A thick crack rang through the air. Gohan gained his composure in time to see the thick trunk of a tree go sailing through the air, birds scattering with the leaves and cawing angrily at him. Gohan sank down, first to the ground and then to his knees. He let his head fall against the base of the tree as he clenched his fists, gritted his teeth, and fought back angry tears.

_Where'd you go?  
I miss you so  
Seems like it's been forever  
That you've been gone.  
_

"_I_ wanna play with it!" "_I_ had it first!" _"But **I** wanna play with it!" "But **I** had it first!"_ **_"MOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMY!"_** Goten and Trunks both screamed for their mothers while arguing over who got to play with the train-and-car set that lay strewn across the living room floor. Since they had already been threatened to go without dinner if caught wrestling again, there was really no other way to work out the problem. Krillin watched Bulma and Chi Chi wrangle their children while thinking to himself, 'Soooooo lucky that's not me.'

Outside, Yamcha and Tien were at odds with Master Roshi as to how to cook the hamburgers, and each was trying to play chef. Puar was hovering around their heads, squeaking his concerns, while Oolong protested on the ground below. Vegeta leaned against the side of the house, watching with sadistic satisfaction as everyone involved crowded each other out, set their hair on fire, and became soot-faced.

Gohan sat at the back of the house, paying no heed to the shouts and black smoke that poured from the side of the building. Piccolo would have joined him, but he was doing his best to stay as far as possible from Marron, who singing in notes that not even dogs could hear, "What's gonna work? **Teeeeeam**work! _What's gonna work? **Teeeeeeeeam**work!_" This meant that Gohan was resolved to having only Turtle for company. He had been sitting inside, but left when he began to remember the get-togethers that had taken place at home.

_You know the place where you used to live?  
Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs.  
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,  
But now, you only stop by every once in a while._

Gohan scowled. They didn't have many of those get-togethers anymore.

Vegeta, who had since tired of watching Master Roshi and Tien try to strangle each other, wandered over from the other side of the house. His foot lightly tapped at something in his way. Looking down at Turtle, he muttered, "Scram." Grumbling, Turtle reluctantly crawled into the ocean. Vegeta leaned against the wall were Gohan was sitting, not looking at the younger Saiyan at all.

"You're in my spot." Gohan glanced up at Vegeta, who was still not looking at him. "How am I in your spot?" "Anyone sitting alone on the other side of the house for no apparent reason is in my spot." Gohan looked back out at the ocean. Stilling glaring slightly, but keeping his voice level, he said, "There are two other sides of the house to brood against if that's what you want. And I wasn't alone until you showed up."

Looking at him for the first time, Vegeta said, "If you want the company of a snake with legs, go follow it into the sea. But get lost." "Bite me." Gohan was immediately backhanded. "Don't give me any of your lip, brat. I told you to beat it, so go on. Move!"

Glaring as openly as he pleased, Gohan stood and began to walk around to the other side of the house. Vegeta watched a moment before muttering, "Idiot, just like his half-wit father."

Gohan stopped where he was. His teeth were gritted, his fists were clenched, and a muscle near his eye was beginning to twitch as he slowly turned around. He stared at Vegeta and almost visibly quivered with rage. Vegeta didn't notice until Gohan had rammed into him. They ricocheted off the sand with a force that shook the tiny island before hitting the water with a splash.

Eighteen strolled outside moments and stood next to Piccolo, who was watching a pair of sopping wet Saiyans pummel each other in midair. "Was that an earthquake, or was it just them?" she asked apathetically. "Pretty sure it was them," Piccolo commented with similar coolness. Krillin joined the pair as she wondered aloud, "What _are_ they doing?" "I can't be certain," Piccolo answered. "But I think Gohan's trying to kill him." Gohan promptly slammed Vegeta back under the water. "Looks like he's winning too." Krillin said. "Er, shouldn't we try to stop him?" Eighteen said, "Vegeta trains like his life depends on it, and Gohan spends all day in his room studying the dictionary. How much harm could he possibly do?" Yamcha drifted over and watched them staring at the water. He stood next to them and followed suit. After a moment, he asked, "So, what are we looking at?"

He got his answer when Vegeta burst from the water and slid backwards across the sand, Gohan following close behind. Eyes wide with mild surprise, Eighteen said, "I stand corrected." Everyone else's eyes widened as well when Krillin, while watching Gohan continue to beat the tar out of Vegeta, said, "Aw, _nuts_, I think he's really tryna kill him!" All but Eighteen rushed forward and pulled Gohan off Vegeta.

Eighteen had been corrected indeed. Gohan had a few bruises, but Vegeta had numerous cuts, scratches, and what looked like a bite mark. It was taking everything to keep them away from each other. "You idiot!" Vegeta shouted. "What in the seven hells is wrong with you!" His rants only encouraged a livid, red-faced Gohan to keep struggling. "Gohan!" Krillin said. "You lost it or something!" Enraged, Gohan jerked himself out of Piccolo's grasp and flew off. Vegeta did likewise and left in the opposite direction.

Bulma and Chi Chi stuck their heads out the door. "Hey! Where is everybody?" "I'll say!" Master Roshi came from the other end of the house. "I've been calling you people for ten minutes! The burgers are _done_! What's the hold-up?" Jabbing her thumb at Bulma and Chi Chi, Eighteen said, "_Her_ son was trying to kill _her_ husband." "Not surprising," said Turtle, who had crawled out the sea and was on his way into the house. Bulma asked, "Why was Gohan trying to kill Vegeta?" "Who knows?" came the reply.

"I don't believe it!" Chi Chi screamed. "I've kept him away from all that nonsense and he's still a delinquent! This is all your fault!" Without bothering to specify whose fault it was, she turned and ran into the house.

Miles away, Gohan was struggling to fight back the turmoil in his mind. _"Just like his father."_ The struggle became harder while he fought back tears as well.

_I find myself just fillin' my time,  
Anything to keep the thought of you from my mind.  
I'm doin' fine. I plan to keep it that way.  
You can call me if you find you have somethin' to say._

Bulma had finally convinced Chi Chi to let her into the bathroom and was seated on the edge of the tub while her friend emptied the tissue box. "I just don't understand!" Chi Chi cried. "Gohan used to be such a happy, gentle boy. What happened?" "It's okay, Chi Chi," Bulma said. "Gohan's fifteen. He's probably just got some teen angst to work out of his system. He'll probably be his useful cheerful self tomorrow." "No, he won't!" Chi Chi said. "Why not?" Bulma asked, concerned.

Chi Chi sniffed. "He's been like that for weeks. He keeps to himself, he almost never smiles anymore, and he always says everything's fine. It's like he's stuck in a constant state of unhappy with little bouts of happiness in between. He's so angry and I don't know why. What's wrong with my son?" Bulma patted Chi Chi on the back while she sobbed loudly on her shoulder.

_I want you to know it's a little messed up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',  
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,  
Me and the rest of the family here._

Gohan sped through the night without a thought for where he was or where he was going. All he wanted to do was fly away until the whole world and every hated thing on it disintegrated around him. Somewhere over a rocky gorge, he forced himself to stop, thinking, 'This is ridiculous. You've got to stop sometime.' He landed on the rough terrain, sat down, and buried his head in his hands.

How long he stayed that way was anyone's guess, but he didn't move until suddenly a rock fell from the sky and conked him on the head. It didn't hurt, but it was enough to get his attention. Looking up, he saw Vegeta hovering over him and glaring. "What was that for?" "For being an ass." Gohan stood as though to say something, but walked away instead, muttering, "You're not worth it."

"You never answered my question." Stopping, Gohan turned and asked shortly, "What?" Lowering himself to the ground, Vegeta said, "What's wrong with you?" Giving him a look that would freeze fire, Gohan turned. "That wasn't a rhetorical question!"

Gohan stopped, but didn't look at him. After a moment, he asked, "Are you ever angry at your father?" Surprised, Vegeta said, "For what?" "Anything." He pondered the question a moment. "…No.

"What, mad at Kakarot, are you?" Gohan didn't respond. Vegeta said almost indignantly, "You hero-worshipped the fool more than anyone else on this ridiculous planet. What reason could you possibly have to be angry at him for? For _dying_! For not being around to drag you away from your mother! If all you've got is pathetic excuse about dear, old dad not being there to distract you from your studies, than to hell with it."

This got Gohan's attention. He turned and looked Vegeta in the eye for the first time. "You're one to talk! The hell with your Saiyan heritage and the hell with your jealousy and your royal blood and as long as I'm on the subject, the hell with you!"

"The hell with me? The hell with you! By your pitiful standards, you have the perfect life! I at least have reasons to be angry! What have you got?" Gohan shouted, "I've got _plenty_!" Vegeta screamed back, "Well, _what_ then!" "**Everything!**"

_I want you to know it's a little messed up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',  
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,  
Me and the rest of the family here._

Gohan was almost trembling as he began to spout out the words. "I'm angry at my father for the life he led and the choices he made and for having so much faith in me and for never being around and for not coming back when he knew he could and for not knowing his own son! And I'm angry at me for feeling so hypocritical because I love the life he loved and made the choices he made and I'm mad at me for not doing what I could to save him before it was too late and for being so ungrateful because everything he ever did was for someone else! And more than anything, I'm mad at the entire world because I know that these are nothing more than the pathetic self-absorbed problems of a teenager and they don't mean anything to anyone else and they don't matter in the big scheme of things, but in the pitiful little microcosm that is my life, it means everything! And I can't tell that to my mom or to Piccolo or to anyone else in the world because it only matters to me."

Gohan stood there panting while staring at Vegeta, who looked at him with an utterly expressionless look before asking, "Feel better?" Gohan nodded. "How long have you been going over _that_ one?" Gohan looked at him as though this was probably the last question he wanted to answer. Face still blank, Vegeta said calmly, "Alright, so you really do have a reason to be angry."

Blushing slightly, Gohan rubbed the back of his neck and said sheepishly, "Sorry I charged you earlier; I shouldn't have overreacted like that." "No, you shouldn't have." Gohan wanted to protest, but felt too emotionally drained.

After a moment, Gohan said, "I just laid my personal problems out on the table for you to see, and all you're doing to listening. You're not even sneering or calling me weak. Why aren't you mocking me or something?" Vegeta said placidly, "You don't seem to realize how like a woman you are."

Ignoring the baffled look on Gohan's face, Vegeta continued. "It's something I didn't learn until after my son was born, but when a man talks about his problems, he's looking for a solution. When a woman talks about her problems, she just wants someone to listen. You had a problem; so you talked, and I listened. Now your worthless concerns are expressed, the 'pitiful little microcosm that is your life' is at peace, and I can insult you at the next barbeque without having to worry that you'll spill my drink."

Vegeta turned to leave. Just before taking off, he said gruffly, "And don't think this makes us pals. I plan on not even remembering any of this in the morning. So from now on, when you have a problem, call someone else." He blasted into the air, leaving Gohan feeling wound up, but somewhat subdued. He thought about what Vegeta had said, then smiled. "I guess he's right." He slowly began the long flight homeward.

"Gohan, look! The moon!" Gohan walked outside and grinned. Goten was hopping up and down, pointing excitedly at the full moon that hung in the twilight sky. Lifting his little brother up onto his shoulders, Gohan said, "Yeah, check out that moon. I looked at the full moon once. Interesting thing happened, I'll tell you about it sometime."

"Boys! Watermelon!" Chi Chi walked outside balancing two large watermelon halves on plates. "Thanks, Mom! Hey, why don't you come outside and watch the fireflies with us? It's not too hot, and the bugs aren't out yet." Wiping her hands on her apron, Chi Chi said, "Thank you, Gohan, I think I will."

They had not been sitting outside for very long before Gohan said, "Mom?" "Yes?"

"Do you ever think about Dad?" Chi Chi replied softly, "All the time." Gohan said just as quietly, "Me too." After a moment, Chi Chi asked, "Was that what had you so upset?" "A little." There were a few minutes of silence before Gohan said, "Hey, Mom? You're a good mom." Chi Chi smiled warmly. "Thank you, Gohan. You're a good son." "Thanks."

Gohan ran and swooped up Goten. "Prepare to fall, shorty!" Leaping into the air, he carried his younger brother up into sky and proceeded to let him drop a few feet before catching him once more. Goten had always loved this game. "Again, again!" he shrieked.

Chi Chi smiled. Gohan had come late two weeks ago, but since then, his entire had changed. He had begun to laugh more, and he sulked less and less. Chi Chi had asked him about his unusual behavior during the previous weeks. "I was just unhappy about something." When she asked what happened, he answered, "I just finally accepted how I felt about it, and it doesn't bother me so much anymore. I just needed to vent a little, Mom. That's all." Chi Chi had wondered whether she should push the issue, but eventually decided that, whatever his problems, Gohan had worked them out on his own.

_I want you to know it's a little messed up,  
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',  
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,  
For while you're not around, and feeling so useless,  
_

_It seems one thing has been true all along,  
You don't really know what you got 'til it's gone,  
I guess I've had it with you and your career,  
When you come back, I won't be here and you can sing it._

Before heading back inside, Chi Chi said, "Gohan. You still okay?" Gohan smiled a little. "I'm okay, Mom. A little sad and a little upset. But I'm okay." Rushing up the stairs, he said, "Good night, Mom! Love you!"

_Where'd you go?  
I miss you so  
Seems like it's been forever  
That you've been gone.  
_

_Where'd you go?  
I miss you so  
Seems like it's been forever  
That you've been gone.  
Please come back home._

Before drifting off to sleep, Gohan murmured, "Good night, Dad. I love you too."

_Please come back home._


End file.
